I love holidays of all kinds, so just for fun I am going to give away $10 Starbucks cards to 2 lucky winners. That way two people can take their sweeties or friends to get a coffee all for free! A free date!
All you have to do is comment on this post answering the following question:
What is your favorite candy?
The contest will end at 9:00 PM tonight. Good luck!
– Stephanie
Update: The winners of the contest were Maria and Mandy. Congratulations!!
If everyone is doing something, I don’t want to do it. There is a big part of me that rebels against anything that everyone else is doing.
There’s a cool TV show that everyone’s watching? You can bet I probably haven’t seen it. (Much to the dismay of my Downton Abbey-watching friends these days. Oh, and I’ve never seen an episode of American Idol. Shocking!! Sorry Lindsay! 🙂 )
A style of clothes is all the rage? Yeah, I’ll be one of the last on that band-wagon. (I really should jump on board with this sooner. I wait until the style is going out of fashion before I buy something, and then I don’t get to wear it as long as I would have otherwise. I should be smarter about this. I already don’t like spending money. I need to make stuff last! So maybe I should change my stance on this one. Sounds good, right, Chris Carroll? Oh, wait, there’s that whole not liking to shop thing too! 🙂 )
I’m definitely not an early adopter of cool gadgets or electronics due to the sole fact that I don’t like spending money. Wait, I’ve already said that.
Really, if something is a big deal to a lot of people, I’m probably rebelling against it.
My mom was talking about something the other day, and off the cuff said “But you probably don’t know about that because you don’t like to do what everybody else is doing.” What?!!! Dang it, it’s amazing how well my mom knows me! Most of the time she knows me better than I know myself. Probably because I’m too busy being myself, working and wrangling three young children to stop and analyze myself. (This works out really well at Christmas time! I don’t have a fat clue what I want, but because my mom knows me so well, I get exactly what I was wanting but couldn’t think of when it was time to make my list. Man, I want to be like my mom someday! Dear Carroll kids, I’m trying. I really am! In the meantime, there’s Mimi!) But she was so right!
I’m not sure if this is all a good thing or a bad thing. I think sometimes it’s both. There are a lot of times that I am one of the first to jump on an idea…especially if it’s mine! (Hmmm…) There are times that I think it’s good to be different from the rest of the world. There are other times that I wish I was more like everyone else.
What are some of your quirks?
Elation. Gut-wrenching grief.
Rich. Poor.
Sickness. Health.
Good. Evil.
Sometimes it amazes me how polar opposites exist at the same time in the world.
I remember vividly one day when I was at the end of my rope. I had been very sad for a long time, and I was pretty much at my low point. I was sitting at an intersection in my car thinking about myself and my problems and was on the verge of tears when a truck full of guys rounded the corner. And every single guy in the car was cracking up laughing. Like they were having a blast. Like they’d all just heard the funniest joke. They had huge smiles on their faces. They seemed really happy.
That’s when it hit me. How in the world can such highs and lows exist in the world at the same time? My world tends to revolve around me and how I feel, so this was a big eye-opener. And I think about these differences quite a bit.
But most of the time, we live in the middle. We live in the space between highs and lows. Rich and poor. Sickness and health. Good and evil.
The good news is that God is in all of it. He’s always with us, and he’s walking through it with us. We are fully loved no matter where we are.
I crave authenticity, honesty and truth. I’ve had my fill of the other stuff, and I yearn to be around people who are real. Who aren’t afraid to be themselves. And I am trying to be real too.
Authenticity is different. It is rare. It is beautiful.
God wants us to be authentic too.
I’ve always been pretty open and honest with God in my prayers, but lately I’ve been trying to step up my authenticity even more. I think God wants that from me and is asking/pushing me to be more authentic. He just wants me to be myself.
A few weekends ago, I decided that I wanted to spend some time talking to God out loud just like I was talking to a friend in the room. I realized pretty quickly on that I sounded really churchy, and I didn’t like it. I don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with churchy language, but it bothered me. Because that’s not really me. That’s not really how I would talk to my best friend. God knows me and likes me for who I am, so I think he wants me to be me with him.
So I changed up my language a little bit throwing some things like “God you are freaking awesome”, etc. in there, and I was good. I felt better.
Now understand that in changing my language a little, I’m still praising God. Honoring and respecting him. I’m just doing it in my own personal way. When you grow up in church, it’s hard to break the mold on what you’ve always known or done. We think there’s only one right way to do things. But it’s OK to change things up. It’s healthy and a part of growing to want to try doing things a little differently.
I’m glad God loves me just the way I am and yearns for a closer, more authentic relationship with me. I want that too!
And that is freaking awesome!
How do you find yourself working toward more authenticity in your walk with God?
Year by year. Month by month. Day by day. Little by little, the wall was built. Carefully, each stone had been set into place.
My heart was a well guarded fort. My defenses were up. It was a hard structure. Envied by others for its strength. I thought it was really good at protecting. A great structure to behold. And for the most part, it was. That’s what I had made it for. That was its job! I took pride in that wall.
That wall doesn’t stand anymore. It’s gone. Some wrecking balls showed up and smashed it. Obliterated it. Destroyed it. No wall remains. The fragments of the wall were hauled away. The hauling away was a lot of tireless work. Back breaking work. But finally, it was all gone.
Sometimes I miss that wall. It was an old friend. There is temptation to start rebuilding. Some days I just want some protection. Some days it just seems like things would be easier if I had a wall again. Some days it’s just plain nostalgia.
But I’ve come to realize that without the wall, I have an awesome view! I just couldn’t see it before. I was crouched down hiding behind the wall, so I missed out on so much beauty beyond the wall. I thought the wall was beautiful, but so much more beauty is out there on the other side. And with no wall anymore, the view is great! It’s absolutely stunning! Breathtaking!
Oh, and the fresh air is nice too. It was really stuffy in my fortress. Not very pleasant. It’s nice to be able to take deep breaths of good, clean air. I feel like I can finally breathe again.
So I choose daily, monthly, yearly not to rebuild. I remind myself of the perks of no wall. Of the damage that the wall created. Of the freeing feeling when it finally fell.
I didn’t choose to have the wall destroyed, but I’m glad it was. I’m glad it’s gone. I feel free, and I’m enjoying the adventure on the other side of the wall.
I will not drink glasses of water, etc. if I think they have been left out too long, so I typically have glasses of water sitting around that I won’t drink. So then I get a new glass and more cups are sitting around. (Though I do rinse glasses frequently so I can use them again too.)
Chris says I’m like the girl in the movie “Signs” that leaves glasses of water sitting out because they taste strange. I figure I’m doing the family a favor if aliens really are afraid of water. 🙂
I can’t put a finger on how long a drink has to be sitting out before I consider it too old. I’m not sure where this all came from.
I realize I’m being really silly about this. I’ve got no good reason to do this. But I’m probably not going to quit this quirky habit either.
The good thing is that my kids don’t share my quirkiness in this area. They enjoy coming along behind me and drinking my leftover drinks.
Problem solved!
I had the opportunity to write a post for our church’s blog yesterday. It’s a fun story, so I wanted to share it here too!
As we began the Becoming a Contagious Christian series, I thought a lot about what a contagious Christian looks like. I wanted to be able to identify people who are contagious Christians.
A few big names stand out. Mother Teresa, Billy Graham…and then there’s my new friend, Bob.
I met Bob at Starbucks yesterday. I was out of town, so before I headed home, I wanted to get a coffee and read a little bit. I got my coffee and then found a really comfortable seat near the front door. I sat down and was about to get out my book, when the guy sitting next to me asked what day it was. I told him it was Sunday the 2nd, and he seemed all flustered and said he had somehow lost a day. He thought it was Saturday. I thought the guy must have been a little nutty. (Turns out he had worked all day on Saturday and just got mixed up in his days.) I can’t remember the next thing he said, but we spent the next hour and a half talking about our lives, God and faith. Here’s a little bit of Bob’s story:
Bob grew up in Lake Tahoe and did not know about Jesus until he was 22. He was working for the MGM Grand in Reno and had a friend who had just gone to a Billy Graham crusade who accepted Christ there. This friend started reading his Bible during his breaks, and was a noticeably changed man. After watching a movie one night that mentioned God, Bob couldn’t get God off his mind and wanted to learn more. So he turned to his new Christian friend. His friend said he didn’t really know all that much since he was a new Christian, but he gave Bob his Bible and a paper explaining how to become a Christian. Bob went home, read the Bible, wept bitterly for a long time that night, and accepted Christ as his savior.
This started a lifelong love of scripture. Bob loves the Word of God. He has gone through countless really hard things in his life (the deaths of 2 children, the loss of a marriage, cancer, etc.), but he clings to the Word of God and his faith.
Bob has friends that he is praying will come to know Christ, and he talks to his friends about God. He was going to a Super Bowl party last night at the house of one of his friends that he prays for, and he was hoping they would be able to talk more about God.
His non-Christian friends call him “Jesus crazy”. They know that he loves them unconditionally despite some of the crazy things they do. And they love him even though he is “Jesus crazy”.
Bob and I were both blown away by the conversation we had just had. I don’t know Bob’s last name, and I’ll probably never see him again, but he touched my life. And I had the chance to touch his life and encourage him. As we stood up to leave, we gave each other a big hug and went our own way.
I am thankful that I got to meet Bob. I am encouraged by his boldness to show the world his love for God. I’m glad I decided to sit in that chair at Starbucks.
Who do you know that you would call a Contagious Christian?
When Caleb was almost 2, I decided I was ready to have another baby. We had always dreamed about having two kids. We tried for months and months and months to get pregnant with no luck. I’m a worrier, so with each passing month, my freak-out factor went way up! And with each passing month, the more upset I got. More frustrated. More sad. More angry. More depressed.
When we had been trying for 2 years, I decided to go see a fertility doctor. All my tests came back perfectly normal, so the doctor thought this was going to be easy. I wound up doing three treatments with this doctor. Clomid, injections, and IUI’s. I had to take breaks in between months because I would develop huge cysts due to the drugs.
Looking back, I realize I was massively depressed. I couldn’t think about anything for 2 1/2 years besides my pain and trying to figure out how to fix it. I hurt extremely deeply. But for the most part, infertility is something we don’t talk about. At least I didn’t feel like I could talk about it. It felt like no one understood me. I felt alone.
During this time, my dear friend Stacy was already going to an infertility support group, so I finally decided to go with her. Previous to this experience, I never ever thought I would step foot into a support group. And had it not been for my friend, I probably never would have gone. It proved to be a huge help. It was great to realize that I wasn’t alone. It gave me a group of people who knew exactly what I was going through, knew the terminology of the treatments, the feelings I was feeling, and the highs and lows of the journey. I’m a fan of groups like these now. If you need help, get it! Find a group that you can connect with to help you feel as normal as possible.
After I found out my third treatment didn’t work, I hit my lowest of lows. I had begged God to let me get pregnant before a few of my friends got pregnant with their second kids. This is horrible, I know, but it shows how low I was. One night, one of these friends called to tell me that she was pregnant. The very next night, the other friend called to tell me she was pregnant. This was more than I could take. Chris was gone to a school event, so he wasn’t home. I wound up having to call my parents to come take care of Caleb because I was absolutely hysterical. My mom talked with me and did everything she could to calm me down, but I was a huge wreck. Huge wreck!
The next day after this, I had another doctor appointment. When I went in, I was told that I had another set of really large cysts, and I was going to have to wait three months to do another treatment. And the doctor thought that the next treatment should be my last. I wound up holding my tears in until I got to the parking lot, and then I lost it. I called into work and told them that I was not coming in that day and went home. I sat on my back porch doing everything I could to calm down until my mom came over to cheer me up.
Along the way through this journey, some friends had told me about an N.D. in Arkansas who had helped some friends of theirs. I always thought that was kind of weird, but when I was out of options, I wrote a short letter to the guy and a few days later he wrote me back to tell me what he thought the problem was. I immediately started taking the herbs that he had suggested, and after three days of taking the herbs (trust me!), I was pregnant. I fully believe the Holy Spirit led my friends to tell me about this doctor, and that the Holy Spirit was at work in this whole situation.
When I found out I was pregnant, a ton of feelings and thoughts raged within me. I was happy, but I still had a lot of emotions I needed to work through. I was still angry and frustrated at how the last 2 1/2 years had gone. And it took a good while to work through all of this.
When I was 9 weeks along, I had my first ultrasound and found out that I was pregnant with twins. Because of all of the ultrasounds I had had over the last two years, I had gotten really good at telling what was on the screen. So, as soon as the picture came on the screen, I knew there were two babies. I knew before the new ultrasound tech knew. 🙂
The pregnancy was hard. My back hurt like crazy while my body stretched and I became enormous!! I wanted to do everything possible to make sure that the babies were healthy and minimize the chances of them being born too early. So, I ate like crazy. I went to work, but that was it. If I wasn’t at work, I was at home laying on the couch. I quit going to church…really anywhere.
When I found out that we were having a boy and a girl, I was really excited! And on the way back to work after the doctor appointment where we found out, I realized how much of a blessing I had been given by God. I had always wanted two boys. Then after Caleb was born, I started praying for a girl. On the car ride back to work, I realized God had given me everything that I had asked for. I had to wait years to have another baby, but I felt like God was telling me that he had heard my prayers and blessed me more than I could have possibly imagined years before.
Sadie and Luke were born on February 2nd, 2011 during a crazy, crazy winter storm. Sadie was 4 lbs., 15 oz. and Luke was 5 lbs., 15 oz. They were three weeks early, but they were perfectly healthy and did not have to go to the NICU at all. As I lay on the table waiting on my doctor to stitch me up after my C-section, hearing both babies cry was the most beautiful sound I may ever hear. I lay on the table cracking up at how crazy the last 3 years had been, how crazy it was to have two tiny, tiny healthy babies crying nearby and how crazy things were going to be in our house for a while.
I’m not going to lie, the last three years have been majorly crazy. They have been really hard. But they have been beautiful!
Sadie and Luke are my miracle babies. After I found out I was having twins, I asked my OB and my infertility doctor if the previous month’s fertility meds had anything to do with me having twins. Both doctors said the drugs had nothing to do with it. The drugs were fully out of my system.
God had everything to do with it!
Happy 3rd Birthday, Sadie and Luke!!!
Last week during Ladies Bible Class, we talked for a few minutes about times in our lives where we have had to hang onto hope and God’s promises in our lives until things got better. Or the prayers were answered.
We just needed to believe.
I have a cross hanging in my bathroom at home. My sister-in-law gave it to me as a gift for being a bridesmaid in their wedding. When I got it, I searched all over the house trying to find where I wanted to put it. I found an empty nail on the wall in my bathroom and hung it there. (That sentence tells you just how great at decorating I really am!!)
I never really paid a whole lot of attention to it until I was struggling hard over something in my life. And then all of a sudden one day, when I was at my wits’ end, I looked up at that cross and it was like God was speaking very clearly to me.
Believe. Just believe.
And pretty much every time I look up at that cross, I have that same feeling. That God is telling me to believe. To hold on. To stay the course with Him. To stay close to Him.
The day that this first happened, I still didn’t have a fat clue what was going to happen in my life. I didn’t know that God was going to answer my prayers in the way I wanted (though He did answer them and completely blew me away later by the answer!). For all I knew, things would stay the same in my life. But I instantly felt different about my situation. I still didn’t like it one bit, but I knew even more that God was with me. That He was walking beside me through my pain.
It’s amazing the things, people, etc. that God uses in our lives. I am thankful for these experiences!
What is something (or someone) that God has used to speak into your life? I’d love to heard your stories!
Most of the time, we go through life worrying about lots of little fish. There’s a whole lot of them. And they seem like a big deal.
But sometimes a really big fish comes along. This fish nearly tears you to pieces. You wrestle with it and fight it. You think there’s no way to reel this one in. You hang in there. Keep up the fight. Believe. Don’t give up. And in the end, you win. The big fish is conquered.
Along the way, you learn a whole lot about life. And one day, you realize you are blessed because you are free (or at least close to free) from the small fish. They are hardly blips on the radar anymore. You hated every moment of the experience of the big fish, but now in some ways, you’re glad it came along. You’ve learned so much that you otherwise would not have learned. You’re stronger. You realize just how strong God is.
It’s an unexpected gift.
Perspective really is everything.
Stephanie Carroll 