Fear of Jesus Coming Back

Here’s something that I’ve never admitted before that kind of sounds silly now…

Growing up, I was afraid of Jesus coming back.

I feel so silly saying that, but it was a real thing.  But thinking back, I was scared of most everything, so why not this too! 🙂

When I was 9 years old, I was saved.  The Holy Spirit had clearly been talking to me for a good while, and it was time.  I wholeheartedly gave my heart and life to Christ.

I knew God loved me so very much and that I was without a doubt a Christian, but I was scared.

We talked a lot about Jesus coming back when I was a kid.  I think the main thing I was afraid of was the idea of the Rapture…where Jesus came back and took away all the Christians leaving the non-Christians behind.  I knew I was a Christian, but I was terrified that maybe, somehow I would be left.

Remember how I was scared of pretty much everything?  I have one vivid memory of laying in bed during a strong thunderstorm in college fearful of the storm but also worrying myself crazy that maybe Jesus was about to come back.  Have I said it sounds so silly now? 🙂

I think a lot of people had this fear.  I’ve heard so many stories of friends seeing clothes laid out on the floor or waking up to find their spouse not in the bed anymore and having a split second of panic.

Over the years, I have encountered God in so many ways.  He has showed up big in times of great sadness, confusion, doubt, deep grief, anger…and times of amazing joy!  He and I have bonded over life.  Over the things that we go through together daily.  He is with me.

And I’m not scared anymore.  In fact, I yearn for Him more than ever.  I see the pains in the world and my own life and I yearn for His presence.  I crave his touch in my life.  I plead for Him to come.

I pray that I will somehow be able to pass on this longing to my kids.  I pray that they can learn more quickly than mom has. I pray that they will fully understand the vast, deep, wide love of Jesus and have no fear.

For there is no fear in love.

Where do you see Jesus in your day?

Recently, a friend suggested that I take time at the end of my day to ask myself “Where did I see Jesus today?”

At night, I climb in my bed, snuggle under the covers and let myself think back over my day. (On the nights that I remember. No guilt is allowed if I forget!) 🙂

Most nights at least one thing pops into my mind almost immediately.

I don’t write these down. I just reflect on how I saw Jesus and silently celebrate His presence.

There have been a few times where the thing that popped into my mind included something that happened with someone else. And when I’ve taken the time to share with the other person that I saw Jesus through something they said or did, it has been very special.  Who doesn’t like hearing that Jesus was seen in them?

I’ve always known God was working in my life and in others’ too. I just haven’t been that great at looking for it on a daily basis.

But now that I’m starting to look for it more, I am learning to expect it.  I’ve realized over the last week that I have begun noticing His presence more during my day.  I still reflect on it at night, but I’m getting better at noticing Him in the middle of my day.

Most of the time, it comes in the smallest things.

I see Jesus in conversations with friends.

I see Jesus in my husband dancing silly. Really any time I see him happy.

I see Jesus when I laugh so hard I cry.

I see Jesus when my kids play nice together. 🙂

God is with us. There is evidence of his presence in our lives everywhere.

We…I just have to look for it.

Where do you see Jesus in your day?


Lately, I feel like my life is a series of periods of waiting on God. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for clarity. Waiting and listening. Gut wrenching, soul-searching, waiting.

Anybody with me on this?

Saturday morning, my mom sent me the Bible verse “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Ps. 27:14

I wrote about this not long ago.

Below is an excerpt from an email that I replied back to my mom:

“It seems like life is a series of times of waiting on God. Seems like we’re always waiting on something. Constantly waiting to hear what he wants us to do next. At least that’s how I feel. It’s nice to know he’s in control because I don’t feel like I’m in control of anything. So I wait. But the thing is, he is faithful and good in the bad times, in the good times and in the waiting.”

I’m not sure I’ll ever really like waiting. In fact, I know I won’t.  I’m a girl who likes action.  I like to have a plan in place.  I like answers and certainty.  But now, after being given so many chances to wait, it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. I have learned that God is truly with me. He’s always been there with me. I trust him.  And things may not go how I want them to go. (They already haven’t time and time again.) But I know that no matter what, I will have God’s love and presence. And that makes the waiting more bearable.

I have also learned that there is beauty in the waiting.  There is beauty in not having all the answers.  Beauty in giving up control and realizing you have to rely on someone else.

There is a whole heck of a lot of beauty in the moments of stillness.  In the quiet emptiness (however long it is) before God answers.

There is beauty in the searching.  In the asking.  In the pleading.

I believe God thinks times of waiting are beautiful too.  They are some of the times that mold, shape and transform us the most in life.  They are the times that I have clung to God and been close to him.  They aren’t fun, but they are precious times.

Our church is about to start an Advent class, and I’m excited. The waiting of Advent gives me a renewed sense of hope.  I’m excited to wait in anticipation. Wait with hope. With longing for the Son of God. That tiny baby who loves and saves us all.

Just wait.

The greatest commandments and the meaning of life

In Matthew 22, one of the Pharisees asks Jesus a question to try to trap him:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

I’ve thought about these verses a lot lately.

The Greatest Thing
The greatest thing we can do in life is to love God and others. If we truly love as Christ calls us to do, the kingdom of Heaven is near. Love is evident, and Christ is evident.

Love doesn’t sit still. Love moves. It acts. It sees a need and meets it. It fights for injustice. It comforts those who mourn. The list goes on! Love is noticeable. It’s different. It stands out.

The meaning of life
What is the meaning of life? People are always looking for the answer to this question. The reason we are all here in the first place. Something to give this life meaning. We analyze this question and come at it from all sorts of different angles, but maybe we over complicate it.

Lately, it seems to me that the meaning of life may rest in these 2 greatest commandments. Love God. And love others.

We can screw up everything else, but if we open our eyes each day expecting to find ways to love God and those around us, life will be a success. Of course we want to do well at work, have a great family, etc. but in the midst of all that, if the most important thing we do everyday is to show at least one person love, every day is a win. And God wins! Our love can’t help but point others to God. It’s really pretty easy. Well, except for when it’s hard. 🙂

May we learn a little more each day what it means to truly love God and others. May we allow God to transform us through His great love. And may we choose to love freely and openly and be quick to act in love.

Book Recommendation

If you know me much at all, you know that I am a voracious reader. I absolutely love books! Any kinds of books! I’ll read anything! Fiction. Non-fiction. Classics. Sci-fi. Religious. Biographies. Anything! I enjoy it all!

Because I read so much, I’m pretty picky about what I read. I want to read good, quality writing and not waste my time on mediocre or poor writing. (Though I will make an exception at times when I’m in the mood for an easy, fun read.)

But most of the time I base my judgement of a book on how I felt about it. Did I enjoy the story? Could I absolutely not put it down? Did it leave me wanting more?

This all being said, I just finished a book that I absolutely loved. It is Flesh: Bringing the Incarnation Down to Earth by Hugh Halter.

I loved this book! While reading it, I kept interrupting Chris while he was watching TV to read him quotes. I recommended it to the preacher at my church. I highlighted about half of the book, and I now feel like I need to re-read it to fully understand what it was saying. So many times in this book, I found myself saying “Yes. Yes. Yes!!!”

So, if you enjoy reading at all, I suggest you read this book! It is powerful and encouraging, and it has made me want to get off my rear and move!


And the wall came tumbling down


Year by year. Month by month. Day by day. Little by little, the wall was built. Carefully, each stone had been set into place.

My heart was a well guarded fort. My defenses were up. It was a hard structure. Envied by others for its strength. I thought it was really good at protecting. A great structure to behold. And for the most part, it was. That’s what I had made it for. That was its job! I took pride in that wall.

That wall doesn’t stand anymore. It’s gone. Some wrecking balls showed up and smashed it. Obliterated it. Destroyed it. No wall remains. The fragments of the wall were hauled away. The hauling away was a lot of tireless work. Back breaking work. But finally, it was all gone.

Sometimes I miss that wall. It was an old friend. There is temptation to start rebuilding. Some days I just want some protection. Some days it just seems like things would be easier if I had a wall again. Some days it’s just plain nostalgia.

But I’ve come to realize that without the wall, I have an awesome view! I just couldn’t see it before. I was crouched down hiding behind the wall, so I missed out on so much beauty beyond the wall. I thought the wall was beautiful, but so much more beauty is out there on the other side. And with no wall anymore, the view is great! It’s absolutely stunning! Breathtaking!

Oh, and the fresh air is nice too. It was really stuffy in my fortress. Not very pleasant. It’s nice to be able to take deep breaths of good, clean air. I feel like I can finally breathe again.

So I choose daily, monthly, yearly not to rebuild. I remind myself of the perks of no wall. Of the damage that the wall created. Of the freeing feeling when it finally fell.

I didn’t choose to have the wall destroyed, but I’m glad it was. I’m glad it’s gone. I feel free, and I’m enjoying the adventure on the other side of the wall.