This weekend, I judged a band competition where kids audition one at a time to make an all-district band.  Sitting behind the judges screen, I realized something.  Something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile about life…judging the contest just gave me a good example.

When I was a kid and trying out for band contests myself, I thought the judges were being so hard on me and were wanting me to fail.  They were these larger than life adults who just couldn’t wait to nail me for something I did wrong.  I thought they reveled in my failure and missed notes during my performance.

(Oh, and I pretty much thought that the whole world wanted me to fail too. That everyone would be so happy to watch my fall.)

Now that I’m an adult and have been in the judge’s position many times, I know that is completely not the case.  Not at all. It’s really the opposite.

Judges are rooting for the kids.  They don’t want them to be nervous.  They want them to succeed.  They are dying to hear great performances!  Yearning for them! It’s grueling to sit there all day listening to kids screw up.  So when that one kid starts playing that is totally nailing it, they’re like “YES!!! FINALLY!!!”  All the judges on the panel are high fiving each other and jumping up and down behind the screen.  OK, so maybe they’re not doing that, but they totally feel like doing it!  There are whispers of praise behind the screen for the kid, and everyone is proud of them.  And they are wishing all the other kids performed that well.

On to another example.  I have had the privilege over the years to hear many different speakers in many different contexts and conferences.  I hate to say it, but most of the speakers I’ve heard have ranged from “not that great” to “absolutely stinking horrible, boring, and I feel like walking out right now!”  But occasionally you get a speaker that totally knocks it out of the park.  And when you do, everyone in the room is totally jazzed.  They are all full of energy and thinking “Why can’t more speakers be like this?  This is the kind of stuff I want to hear!”  People don’t want to hear bad speakers.  They want them to be awesome, give them good, useful information and keep them engaged.

So here’s how this applies to life.  Most of the time, we think that everyone wants us to fail.  We feel like most people are hoping we screw up big time.  They are just waiting for that moment when we mess everything up. And while there might be a few people out there who are wishing bad on us, the reality is that the vast majority of people out there want us to succeed and knock our lives out of the park.  They want to see us be totally awesome!

Think about it.  When you see a marriage fail, someone get fired, people go bankrupt, someone make a huge mistake, etc., does it make you happy?  No way!  If you’re like me, it makes you feel horrible! I want people to do well! We all love success stories! We’re all really rooting for each other to do well.

I wish I would have known this as a kid. I wish I could have tried out for band contests knowing that the judges were my biggest fans. I think I would have had much better success. I would have wanted to go in there and play the socks off the music to make them smile.

And now that I have had this little realization about life, I see things differently. I’ve always wanted to do my best, but now I don’t feel like I always have to prove myself. It’s not about just trying to make sure I don’t screw up and make a fool out of myself. I get to do my best just because I want to. And I know that I have tons of people rooting me on along the way.

That’s a pretty freeing realization, and it’s a much better, less stressful way to live! So let’s get in the game, the contest…life…and make them smile!!

Things I love about our CitySquare nights:
– providing time for the residents to hang out, talk and just spend time together
– catching up with our friends there
– how happy we all are to see each other
– my kids love it!
– watching my oldest get so excited about serving people drinks and owning that job!
– this time, I loved that one of the residents brought his instruments and played for us all.

I know there’s more that I’m not thinking of right now. I love our time there and am blessed by these friends.

I grew up thinking that in order to be liked and respected, you had to be strong and never show weakness. You had to have your act together to be viewed as a decent person.

Because of this, I became extremely judgmental of people that I thought were not strong enough, smart enough, didn’t control their children, didn’t spend or save money in the right way, didn’t make the “right” decisions in their lives, etc…didn’t have their lives together.

Wow! What a horrible way to live!

I was just laying in bed thinking about a lady that was in my church when I was growing up. This lady was clearly beat down by life. Life had hit her hard, and you could see it in her tears at church most Sunday mornings.

I hope there were people that were there for this woman in a strong way. But honestly, I’m not sure there was. I remember seeing her so broken quite often. But I don’t remember anyone (or many people) clearly caring for her and being with her through the crap.

I realize I was looking at this through a child’s eyes, but I hope I’m wrong.

And as I think about it, I think that had I seen love overflowing from people toward this woman in my church, it might have drastically changed the way I viewed all people. It could have done me a lot of good to see people actively loving on this woman and others like her. I know for a fact that people in my church loved each other. I just think there could have been a lot more loving going on. More often than not, I got the impression that adults were afraid of people who were struggling. They didn’t want to hang out with them. Because then they would have to deal with messiness and ugliness. And who wants to deal with that when you can ignore it and hang out and be seen with people who are all put together and have seemingly neat and tidy lives?

Maybe this wasn’t the case at all. I hope it wasn’t. Again, I was a child.

I grew up thinking that I had to be perfect for people to like me. I couldn’t make mistakes. I had to be on top of my game all the time. No room for weakness.

Although I’ve come a long way on all of this, I still struggle. I hate feeling weak. Or appearing weak. I want to be seen as someone who’s got it all together. Someone who is strong. I like to control things, but I’ve learned the hard way many times that I really do not control anything. And that drives me nuts!

Now that I’m an adult and never really feel like I have my own act together, I am thankful that I have a group of friends who are always ready to admit how they are not perfect. Who find joy in the fact that we don’t have to be strong all the time or have all the answers. We can be weak together and still be ok and liked…no, loved!

And I pray that I will do a better job of looking for those who are hurting, reaching out to them and showing them that they are beautiful and loved no matter how put together (or not) their lives are. Encouraging them instead of making them feel less than. Building them up.

I want my kids to see me doing this. I want them to grow up thinking differently about life and people. I want them to not know any other way of doing things. That our first response is to love, not judge. And to be bold in sharing this love and care to others.