The Secret to Feeling Connected


Have you ever felt left out?  Not connected?  Alone in a sea of people?  Like everyone else is/has great friends?  That you want friends but just don’t think people want to be friends with you?  Like you’re just waiting on someone to come along or pop into your life that will be your friend?  You’re not alone!  Dear sweet friend, we all feel like this at some point in our lives!

Deep down, I am a shy, introverted person who has always longed for good friendships.  I always wanted to fit in and feel like I was a part of things.  A part of the group.  To feel like people wanted to be my friend.

For most of my life, I waited with frustration for friends to come into my life.  I waited for others to invite me to things.  To call me up to hang out.  Go to dinner or a movie.  And when I saw other people being invited and not me, I was deeply hurt and upset.  I so badly wanted to fit in, but I always felt like there was something wrong with me.  I wasn’t cool enough.  Pretty enough.  Funny enough.  Or at least that’s what I thought.

And to top it off, I thought a whole lot of people were really snobby and cliquey.  They had their friends, and I felt like they didn’t need or want anymore.

So I felt like I was left on the outside.

Lately, I’ve been asking people who seem really plugged into groups if they feel connected.  These people are actively involved, volunteer and seem to have a lot of friends.  But the answer to this question has been very surprising.  The vast majority of people do not feel connected.  They may have some close friends (or it may seem that way), but they don’t feel really connected to the group at large or as connected to friends as they would like.  They are dissatisfied with the way things are.  Just like the rest of us!

This really came as a shock to me.  I thought I was the only one that felt that way!

Over the years, as I’ve become more comfortable with myself and learned a lot of really hard lessons, I feel like I’ve stumbled on the secret to feeling connected and forming great friendships, so here it is:

You can’t wait for others.  If you want friends, you have to pursue them.  You have to be willing to say hi to start the conversation.  As hard as it sometimes seems, you have to get over your own fears and insecurities and put yourself out there.

Go up and talk to someone you want to be friends with.

Invite people to do things with you.

Take an interest in others’ lives.

Don’t wait for someone to want to be your friend!  Go ahead and be a friend!

Chances are, the person you are wanting to be friends with is waiting for someone to come along to connect with in their life.  And even if they already have a great group of friends, who wouldn’t want another great friend?   You can never have too many!

So, if you are feeling disconnected, alone, and on the fringes, I encourage you to begin to take the initiative to connect with others!  You may not always get the response you would like from people, but at least you’ve tried!  And there are so many people out there who are also yearning for friendship, that I guarantee you will find friends!  We all need and want friends!  We all want to feel needed and important.  We just need to decide to make it happen.  Go and be a good friend!

So, who wants to go to a movie?

Brave, Warrior Friends

I was blessed beyond measure to have lunch with a dear friend today who has served churches immensely.

We had been casual acquaintances for a good while until one special day.  That morning, I had been really feeling like I needed to talk to someone about something I was dealing with, but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually talk about it.  But I kept feeling this nagging sensation that I really needed to share it with someone.  I had a meeting to attend, and when I got there, this lady was already there.  We struck up a conversation, and I asked her a simple question…to which she bravely told me about where she was in life and what she was struggling with.  And it was along the lines of the thing I was needing to talk about!  So, I got to spill my guts too!  

Ever since then, this lady is like one of my soul sisters.  She is on my heart, and I know I am on her heart.  I still find it amazing how God orchestrated that conversation, and I am so glad that she was brave enough to answer my simple question truthfully.  It sure was a big help to me!

I love that I have friends who know my junk, and I know their junk, and we love each other through our junk!  Life is full of junk, and I’m thankful for brave, strong friends who with me on this journey.  Who encourage me, remind me that I am a warrior princess, and help me fight the good fight!