I bet I was a creative child. I bet we all were. But somewhere in early elementary school, I decided I wasn’t creative, and I really haven’t felt very creative since. My mom was a teacher in the elementary school … Continue reading
In Matthew 22, one of the Pharisees asks Jesus a question to try to trap him:
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
I’ve thought about these verses a lot lately.
The Greatest Thing
The greatest thing we can do in life is to love God and others. If we truly love as Christ calls us to do, the kingdom of Heaven is near. Love is evident, and Christ is evident.
Love doesn’t sit still. Love moves. It acts. It sees a need and meets it. It fights for injustice. It comforts those who mourn. The list goes on! Love is noticeable. It’s different. It stands out.
The meaning of life
What is the meaning of life? People are always looking for the answer to this question. The reason we are all here in the first place. Something to give this life meaning. We analyze this question and come at it from all sorts of different angles, but maybe we over complicate it.
Lately, it seems to me that the meaning of life may rest in these 2 greatest commandments. Love God. And love others.
We can screw up everything else, but if we open our eyes each day expecting to find ways to love God and those around us, life will be a success. Of course we want to do well at work, have a great family, etc. but in the midst of all that, if the most important thing we do everyday is to show at least one person love, every day is a win. And God wins! Our love can’t help but point others to God. It’s really pretty easy. Well, except for when it’s hard. 🙂
May we learn a little more each day what it means to truly love God and others. May we allow God to transform us through His great love. And may we choose to love freely and openly and be quick to act in love.
When my oldest son was almost 2, I decided I was ready to have another baby. We had always dreamed about having two kids. We tried for months and months and months to get pregnant with no luck. I’m a worrier, so with each passing month, my freak-out factor went way up! And with each passing month, the more upset I got. More frustrated. More sad. More angry. More depressed.
When we had been trying for 2 years, I decided to go see a fertility doctor. All my tests came back perfectly normal, so the doctor thought this was going to be easy. I wound up doing three treatments with this doctor. Clomid, injections, and IUI’s. I had to take breaks in between months because I would develop huge cysts due to the drugs.
Looking back, I realize I was massively depressed. I couldn’t think about anything for 2 1/2 years besides my pain and trying to figure out how to fix it. I hurt extremely deeply. But for the most part, infertility is something we don’t talk about. At least I didn’t feel like I could talk about it. It felt like no one understood me. I felt alone.
During this time, a dear friend of mine was already going to an infertility support group, so I finally decided to go with her. Previous to this experience, I never ever thought I would step foot into a support group. And had it not been for my friend, I probably never would have gone. It proved to be a huge help. It was great to realize that I wasn’t alone. It gave me a group of people who knew exactly what I was going through, knew the terminology of the treatments, the feelings I was feeling, and the highs and lows of the journey. I’m a fan of groups like these now. If you need help, get it! Find a group that you can connect with to help you feel as normal as possible.
After I found out my third treatment didn’t work, I hit my lowest of lows. I had begged God to let me get pregnant before a few of my friends got pregnant with their second kids. This is horrible, I know, but it shows how low I was. One night, one of these friends called to tell me that she was pregnant. The very next night, the other friend called to tell me she was pregnant. This was more than I could take. My husband was gone to a school event, so he wasn’t home. I wound up having to call my parents to come take care of my oldest son because I was absolutely hysterical. My mom talked with me and did everything she could to calm me down, but I was a huge wreck. Huge wreck!
The next day after this, I had another doctor appointment. When I went in, I was told that I had another set of really large cysts, and I was going to have to wait three months to do another treatment. And the doctor thought that the next treatment should be my last. I wound up holding my tears in until I got to the parking lot, and then I lost it. I called into work and told them that I was not coming in that day and went home. I sat on my back porch doing everything I could to calm down until my mom came over to cheer me up.
Along the way through this journey, some friends had told me about an N.D. in Arkansas who had helped some friends of theirs. I always thought that was kind of weird, but when I was out of options, I wrote a short letter to the guy and a few days later he wrote me back to tell me what he thought the problem was. I immediately started taking the herbs that he had suggested, and after three days of taking the herbs (trust me!), I was pregnant. I fully believe the Holy Spirit led my friends to tell me about this doctor, and that the Holy Spirit was at work in this whole situation.
When I found out I was pregnant, a ton of feelings and thoughts raged within me. I was happy, but I still had a lot of emotions I needed to work through. I was still angry and frustrated at how the last 2 1/2 years had gone. And it took a good while to work through all of this.
When I was 9 weeks along, I had my first ultrasound and found out that I was pregnant with twins. Because of all of the ultrasounds I had endured over the last two years, I had gotten really good at telling what was on the screen. So, as soon as the picture came on the screen, I knew there were two babies. I knew before the new ultrasound tech knew. 🙂
The pregnancy was hard. My back hurt like crazy while my body stretched and I became enormous!! I wanted to do everything possible to make sure that the babies were healthy and minimize the chances of them being born too early. So, I ate like crazy. I went to work, but that was it. If I wasn’t at work, I was at home laying on the couch. I quit going to church…really anywhere.
When I found out that we were having a boy and a girl, I was really excited! And on the way back to work after the doctor appointment where we found out, I realized how much of a blessing I had been given by God. I had always wanted two boys. Then after my oldest son was born, I started praying for a girl. On the car ride back to work, I realized God had given me everything that I had asked for. I had to wait years to have another baby, but I felt like God was telling me that he had heard my prayers and blessed me more than I could have possibly imagined years before.
Sadie and Luke were born on February 2nd, 2011 during a crazy, crazy winter storm. Sadie was 4 lbs., 15 oz. and Luke was 5 lbs., 15 oz. They were three weeks early, but they were perfectly healthy and did not have to go to the NICU at all. As I lay on the table waiting on my doctor to stitch me up after my C-section, hearing both babies cry was the most beautiful sound I may ever hear. I lay on the table cracking up at how crazy the last 3 years had been, how crazy it was to have two tiny, tiny healthy babies crying nearby and how crazy things were going to be in our house for a while.
I’m not going to lie, the last three years have been majorly crazy. They have been really hard. But they have been beautiful!
Sadie and Luke are my miracle babies. After I found out I was having twins, I asked my OB and my infertility doctor if the previous month’s fertility meds had anything to do with me having twins. Both doctors said the drugs had nothing to do with it. The drugs were fully out of my system.
God had everything to do with it!
–My Messy Beautiful
This essay and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!
I had another realization this Sunday in Bible Class.
I was saved and baptized when I was 9 years old. That’s pretty young, but I fully understood what I was doing and felt called by God. I have always been someone who follows rules, so before my salvation experience, I was a good little 9-year-old kid. Afterwards, I was still a good little 9-year-old kid. I don’t have a big conversion story where there was a drastic change in my life.
I have always struggled with how to share my testimony when I don’t have much to say about my conversion experience. Of course I sinned before I was saved, but I’ve sinned plenty after I was saved too.
But lately, in our Becoming a Contagious Christian series, we’ve talked a lot in our class and LIFE Group about the “becoming” part. We tend to put a lot of emphasis on the initial conversion experience, but the reality is we will continue “becoming” for the rest of the time that we are on this Earth.
I’ve realized that my story includes my conversion experience, but then it also includes every other experience from that point on. How I’ve screwed up and been redeemed…over and over! Lessons that I have learned along the way. Ways that I have grown. Ways that God has obviously shown up and in my life and touched me. How I’ve lost faith over and over again along the way and God continues to bring me back to him. How God has truly been changing my life. How God has loved me through it all!
And I’ve realized that because of the experiences I have had, I find it much easier to connect with people. That doors to spiritual conversations will be flung open wide if I choose to listen to others’ stories and help any way I can from the experiences that I have had. And people need to see how we are allowing God to change our lives on a daily basis!
Everyone’s conversion experience is incredibly important! Just don’t forget that the rest of your story is equally important! And people need to hear about it!
I’m embarrassed to say how long I’ve thought this, but here goes!
Up until recently, when someone I knew got saved and accepted Christ into their hearts and lives, I was like “Woohoo! Another person escaping Hell when they die! They get to go to Heaven! Yay!!!”
While that is all true, I really missed the point. There’s way more to salvation!
It’s not all about just making sure you wind up in Heaven one day. The truth is that as soon as you are saved, you start the journey of experiencing Heaven on Earth. Life isn’t the same.
Putting Christ on in salvation and baptism is just the first step on the road to having a relationship with God. And in this relationship, and the developing of it, is where you see Heaven on Earth. It’s where you feel his presence, his love, his grace, his forgiveness, his mercy, etc. And these things draw us closer to God.
So, I was wrong. And I’m glad I was wrong and have realized how much more is out there for us!
God’s kingdom is coming…but it’s also already here with us. Because God is here with us!
And it’s just a bonus that we get to spend eternity with him too!
Elation. Gut-wrenching grief.
Rich. Poor.
Sickness. Health.
Good. Evil.
Sometimes it amazes me how polar opposites exist at the same time in the world.
I remember vividly one day when I was at the end of my rope. I had been very sad for a long time, and I was pretty much at my low point. I was sitting at an intersection in my car thinking about myself and my problems and was on the verge of tears when a truck full of guys rounded the corner. And every single guy in the car was cracking up laughing. Like they were having a blast. Like they’d all just heard the funniest joke. They had huge smiles on their faces. They seemed really happy.
That’s when it hit me. How in the world can such highs and lows exist in the world at the same time? My world tends to revolve around me and how I feel, so this was a big eye-opener. And I think about these differences quite a bit.
But most of the time, we live in the middle. We live in the space between highs and lows. Rich and poor. Sickness and health. Good and evil.
The good news is that God is in all of it. He’s always with us, and he’s walking through it with us. We are fully loved no matter where we are.
I crave authenticity, honesty and truth. I’ve had my fill of the other stuff, and I yearn to be around people who are real. Who aren’t afraid to be themselves. And I am trying to be real too.
Authenticity is different. It is rare. It is beautiful.
God wants us to be authentic too.
I’ve always been pretty open and honest with God in my prayers, but lately I’ve been trying to step up my authenticity even more. I think God wants that from me and is asking/pushing me to be more authentic. He just wants me to be myself.
A few weekends ago, I decided that I wanted to spend some time talking to God out loud just like I was talking to a friend in the room. I realized pretty quickly on that I sounded really churchy, and I didn’t like it. I don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with churchy language, but it bothered me. Because that’s not really me. That’s not really how I would talk to my best friend. God knows me and likes me for who I am, so I think he wants me to be me with him.
So I changed up my language a little bit throwing some things like “God you are freaking awesome”, etc. in there, and I was good. I felt better.
Now understand that in changing my language a little, I’m still praising God. Honoring and respecting him. I’m just doing it in my own personal way. When you grow up in church, it’s hard to break the mold on what you’ve always known or done. We think there’s only one right way to do things. But it’s OK to change things up. It’s healthy and a part of growing to want to try doing things a little differently.
I’m glad God loves me just the way I am and yearns for a closer, more authentic relationship with me. I want that too!
And that is freaking awesome!
How do you find yourself working toward more authenticity in your walk with God?
Year by year. Month by month. Day by day. Little by little, the wall was built. Carefully, each stone had been set into place.
My heart was a well guarded fort. My defenses were up. It was a hard structure. Envied by others for its strength. I thought it was really good at protecting. A great structure to behold. And for the most part, it was. That’s what I had made it for. That was its job! I took pride in that wall.
That wall doesn’t stand anymore. It’s gone. Some wrecking balls showed up and smashed it. Obliterated it. Destroyed it. No wall remains. The fragments of the wall were hauled away. The hauling away was a lot of tireless work. Back breaking work. But finally, it was all gone.
Sometimes I miss that wall. It was an old friend. There is temptation to start rebuilding. Some days I just want some protection. Some days it just seems like things would be easier if I had a wall again. Some days it’s just plain nostalgia.
But I’ve come to realize that without the wall, I have an awesome view! I just couldn’t see it before. I was crouched down hiding behind the wall, so I missed out on so much beauty beyond the wall. I thought the wall was beautiful, but so much more beauty is out there on the other side. And with no wall anymore, the view is great! It’s absolutely stunning! Breathtaking!
Oh, and the fresh air is nice too. It was really stuffy in my fortress. Not very pleasant. It’s nice to be able to take deep breaths of good, clean air. I feel like I can finally breathe again.
So I choose daily, monthly, yearly not to rebuild. I remind myself of the perks of no wall. Of the damage that the wall created. Of the freeing feeling when it finally fell.
I didn’t choose to have the wall destroyed, but I’m glad it was. I’m glad it’s gone. I feel free, and I’m enjoying the adventure on the other side of the wall.
I had the opportunity to write a post for our church’s blog yesterday. It’s a fun story, so I wanted to share it here too!
As we began the Becoming a Contagious Christian series, I thought a lot about what a contagious Christian looks like. I wanted to be able to identify people who are contagious Christians.
A few big names stand out. Mother Teresa, Billy Graham…and then there’s my new friend, Bob.
I met Bob at Starbucks yesterday. I was out of town, so before I headed home, I wanted to get a coffee and read a little bit. I got my coffee and then found a really comfortable seat near the front door. I sat down and was about to get out my book, when the guy sitting next to me asked what day it was. I told him it was Sunday the 2nd, and he seemed all flustered and said he had somehow lost a day. He thought it was Saturday. I thought the guy must have been a little nutty. (Turns out he had worked all day on Saturday and just got mixed up in his days.) I can’t remember the next thing he said, but we spent the next hour and a half talking about our lives, God and faith. Here’s a little bit of Bob’s story:
Bob grew up in Lake Tahoe and did not know about Jesus until he was 22. He was working for the MGM Grand in Reno and had a friend who had just gone to a Billy Graham crusade who accepted Christ there. This friend started reading his Bible during his breaks, and was a noticeably changed man. After watching a movie one night that mentioned God, Bob couldn’t get God off his mind and wanted to learn more. So he turned to his new Christian friend. His friend said he didn’t really know all that much since he was a new Christian, but he gave Bob his Bible and a paper explaining how to become a Christian. Bob went home, read the Bible, wept bitterly for a long time that night, and accepted Christ as his savior.
This started a lifelong love of scripture. Bob loves the Word of God. He has gone through countless really hard things in his life (the deaths of 2 children, the loss of a marriage, cancer, etc.), but he clings to the Word of God and his faith.
Bob has friends that he is praying will come to know Christ, and he talks to his friends about God. He was going to a Super Bowl party last night at the house of one of his friends that he prays for, and he was hoping they would be able to talk more about God.
His non-Christian friends call him “Jesus crazy”. They know that he loves them unconditionally despite some of the crazy things they do. And they love him even though he is “Jesus crazy”.
Bob and I were both blown away by the conversation we had just had. I don’t know Bob’s last name, and I’ll probably never see him again, but he touched my life. And I had the chance to touch his life and encourage him. As we stood up to leave, we gave each other a big hug and went our own way.
I am thankful that I got to meet Bob. I am encouraged by his boldness to show the world his love for God. I’m glad I decided to sit in that chair at Starbucks.
Who do you know that you would call a Contagious Christian?
Last week during Ladies Bible Class, we talked for a few minutes about times in our lives where we have had to hang onto hope and God’s promises in our lives until things got better. Or the prayers were answered.
We just needed to believe.
I have a cross hanging in my bathroom at home. My sister-in-law gave it to me as a gift for being a bridesmaid in their wedding. When I got it, I searched all over the house trying to find where I wanted to put it. I found an empty nail on the wall in my bathroom and hung it there. (That sentence tells you just how great at decorating I really am!!)
I never really paid a whole lot of attention to it until I was struggling hard over something in my life. And then all of a sudden one day, when I was at my wits’ end, I looked up at that cross and it was like God was speaking very clearly to me.
Believe. Just believe.
And pretty much every time I look up at that cross, I have that same feeling. That God is telling me to believe. To hold on. To stay the course with Him. To stay close to Him.
The day that this first happened, I still didn’t have a fat clue what was going to happen in my life. I didn’t know that God was going to answer my prayers in the way I wanted (though He did answer them and completely blew me away later by the answer!). For all I knew, things would stay the same in my life. But I instantly felt different about my situation. I still didn’t like it one bit, but I knew even more that God was with me. That He was walking beside me through my pain.
It’s amazing the things, people, etc. that God uses in our lives. I am thankful for these experiences!
What is something (or someone) that God has used to speak into your life? I’d love to heard your stories!
Stephanie Carroll 