When I was headed home from work yesterday, I was pretty proud of myself and feeling good about everything I had accomplished during the day. I love days where I get a ton done! It feels good to cross things … Continue reading
As I’m writing this post, I’m sitting in a restaurant all by myself.
When I was younger, I thought eating by yourself in a restaurant was weird and something I would never, ever do. If I needed to get food, I would go through a drive thru and eat in my car. I didn’t think I could handle sitting in a restaurant alone with no one to talk to. I thought other people would think I was weird.
And then I had kids. And not much alone time. As a kid, I needed a lot of quiet, “me time”. And I find now that I work, am married, have kids and lots of things to do, I have to find and schedule my alone time. It just doesn’t happen on its own.
So I go to lunch sometimes by myself. I enjoy the quiet, time to think without distractions, maybe read a little and just take time to breathe and relax. And I don’t care at all what others think. I need this time to myself and I’ll take it how I can get it!
It’s wonderful!
What do you think? Do you feel like eating by yourself is weird or wonderful? How do you find some “me time” in your life?
Have you ever prayed for God to change someone? Maybe they were being a thorn in your side. A royal pain. Maybe you felt like they needed a good, swift kick in the pants. Or maybe you just thought you knew there was something better out there for them.
I used to pray for God to change others…until I realized instead of God changing the other person, He was changing me.
Every. Single. Time!
It’s like he wasn’t concerned about changing the other guy at all! Come on, God!!
He would slowly change my attitude and perspective little by little. It would sneak up on me. God can be tricky like that!
Sometimes I would be the one to fall flat on my face and then realize I was the one with the problem all along. Sometimes after a long period of time, I would look back and see changes in myself along the way and recognize what God had been up to all along.
A few days ago, I was really upset about something. And where I would normally pray for God to change the other person, I found myself asking God to change my heart. To work on me. This is huge for me! I’m normally not that smart! 🙂
I’m finally realizing it’s not my business to try to change others. I am responsible only for myself. I can only do the best I can in difficult situations and believe that God will see me through them. And be open to learning through experiences.
So while it’s easier to hope and pray for others to change, I’m learning that most of the time, I’m the one who needs change. And while it still kind of irks me that I’m the one who has to change, I’m thankful for the lessons I’m learning. For the ways that God is teaching me to think, act and love differently.
What experiences have you had with this?
In follow-up to my last post, the following is a quote from N.T. Wright from his book Surprised by Hope:
“The point of 1 Corinthians 13 is that love is not our duty; it is our destiny. It is the language Jesus spoke, and we are called to speak it so that we can converse with him. It is the food they eat in God’s new world, and we must acquire the taste for it here and now. It is the music God has written for all his creatures to sing, and we are called to learn it and practice it now so as to be ready when the conductor brings down his baton. It is the resurrection life, and the resurrected Jesus calls us to begin living it with him and for him right now. Love is at the very heart of the surprise of hope: people who truly hope as the resurrection encourages us to hope will be people enabled to love in a new way. Conversely, people who are living by this rule of love will be people who are learning more deeply how to hope.”
Despite the fact that this book is some majorly heavy reading, there were so many great points. And I love that the climax of the book was about love.
I want to be someone who loves well!
In Matthew 22, one of the Pharisees asks Jesus a question to try to trap him:
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
I’ve thought about these verses a lot lately.
The Greatest Thing
The greatest thing we can do in life is to love God and others. If we truly love as Christ calls us to do, the kingdom of Heaven is near. Love is evident, and Christ is evident.
Love doesn’t sit still. Love moves. It acts. It sees a need and meets it. It fights for injustice. It comforts those who mourn. The list goes on! Love is noticeable. It’s different. It stands out.
The meaning of life
What is the meaning of life? People are always looking for the answer to this question. The reason we are all here in the first place. Something to give this life meaning. We analyze this question and come at it from all sorts of different angles, but maybe we over complicate it.
Lately, it seems to me that the meaning of life may rest in these 2 greatest commandments. Love God. And love others.
We can screw up everything else, but if we open our eyes each day expecting to find ways to love God and those around us, life will be a success. Of course we want to do well at work, have a great family, etc. but in the midst of all that, if the most important thing we do everyday is to show at least one person love, every day is a win. And God wins! Our love can’t help but point others to God. It’s really pretty easy. Well, except for when it’s hard. 🙂
May we learn a little more each day what it means to truly love God and others. May we allow God to transform us through His great love. And may we choose to love freely and openly and be quick to act in love.
Have you ever felt left out? Not connected? Alone in a sea of people? Like everyone else is/has great friends? That you want friends but just don’t think people want to be friends with you? Like you’re just waiting on someone to come along or pop into your life that will be your friend? You’re not alone! Dear sweet friend, we all feel like this at some point in our lives!
Deep down, I am a shy, introverted person who has always longed for good friendships. I always wanted to fit in and feel like I was a part of things. A part of the group. To feel like people wanted to be my friend.
For most of my life, I waited with frustration for friends to come into my life. I waited for others to invite me to things. To call me up to hang out. Go to dinner or a movie. And when I saw other people being invited and not me, I was deeply hurt and upset. I so badly wanted to fit in, but I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t cool enough. Pretty enough. Funny enough. Or at least that’s what I thought.
And to top it off, I thought a whole lot of people were really snobby and cliquey. They had their friends, and I felt like they didn’t need or want anymore.
So I felt like I was left on the outside.
Lately, I’ve been asking people who seem really plugged into groups if they feel connected. These people are actively involved, volunteer and seem to have a lot of friends. But the answer to this question has been very surprising. The vast majority of people do not feel connected. They may have some close friends (or it may seem that way), but they don’t feel really connected to the group at large or as connected to friends as they would like. They are dissatisfied with the way things are. Just like the rest of us!
This really came as a shock to me. I thought I was the only one that felt that way!
Over the years, as I’ve become more comfortable with myself and learned a lot of really hard lessons, I feel like I’ve stumbled on the secret to feeling connected and forming great friendships, so here it is:
You can’t wait for others. If you want friends, you have to pursue them. You have to be willing to say hi to start the conversation. As hard as it sometimes seems, you have to get over your own fears and insecurities and put yourself out there.
Go up and talk to someone you want to be friends with.
Invite people to do things with you.
Take an interest in others’ lives.
Don’t wait for someone to want to be your friend! Go ahead and be a friend!
Chances are, the person you are wanting to be friends with is waiting for someone to come along to connect with in their life. And even if they already have a great group of friends, who wouldn’t want another great friend? You can never have too many!
So, if you are feeling disconnected, alone, and on the fringes, I encourage you to begin to take the initiative to connect with others! You may not always get the response you would like from people, but at least you’ve tried! And there are so many people out there who are also yearning for friendship, that I guarantee you will find friends! We all need and want friends! We all want to feel needed and important. We just need to decide to make it happen. Go and be a good friend!
So, who wants to go to a movie?
As part of my job, I dabble in things like graphics and advertising. I’m always looking for pictures, graphic art or words that stand out to me.
I had to go to Sam’s today to get some stuff for church as I am preparing for next week’s mad dash and craziness to get ready for Easter.
As I was walking down one of the main aisles, this caught my eye:
And I had to stop and take a picture.
I took me awhile to figure out what they were even trying to sell…which is probably not what they were going for!
But it did make me stop. And it did make me smile. 🙂
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What ads have made you stop what you were doing to give them a second look?
I used to think I was a good mom. Back in the days when I just had one kid, I thought I was doing pretty darn good!
I felt pretty much in control.
I still kind of had a memory!
I felt like I had all the time in the world to play with my kid.
My disciplining of him was pretty awesome!
I felt like I had all the answers.
I was awesome!
And then in an instant, I was the mother of three small children. And most days, I don’t feel so awesome anymore. 🙂
And I’m not sure I’ll ever feel like I’m in control ever again!
Some days are utter chaos. Some days I do good to just make it through the day.
My house is pretty much always a mess.
I get really frustrated about all of the things I forget. The ways I feel like I’m failing my kids and the whole family. When I realize I’ve forgotten to send something with the kids that they needed for school, I just about lose it!
I don’t seem to have enough time in the day.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with everything going on that I lose my cool with the kids. This is not how I used to be!!
The other day while at church, a man looked at our family and told Chris and I to enjoy every minute with our kids. At that moment, our kids were not eating their lunch like they were supposed to be doing. They were arguing and bothering each other. Chris was like, “Do I have to cherish this moment?” And I just laughed.
But along the way, I’ve learned (and am still learning) what’s most important. The things that I can let go. That I don’t have to worry about the little things as much. That I don’t have to be perfect. That things aren’t always going to be perfect or go how I think they should go. (Though let’s just be honest! Things would be a lot better if they did!) 🙂
I still would like to feel more in control, but I’m OK with how things are. I actually kind of like them!
I’ve learned how to apologize to my kids.
I try really hard, but I know I’m going to screw up a lot of things as a parent. But at the end of the day, I know my kids feel loved. I really do! That’s the most important thing to me. And I feel loved by my kids.
And that is awesome!
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In what ways has your parenting changed over the years? How have you changed? What have you had to let go?
When my oldest son was almost 2, I decided I was ready to have another baby. We had always dreamed about having two kids. We tried for months and months and months to get pregnant with no luck. I’m a worrier, so with each passing month, my freak-out factor went way up! And with each passing month, the more upset I got. More frustrated. More sad. More angry. More depressed.
When we had been trying for 2 years, I decided to go see a fertility doctor. All my tests came back perfectly normal, so the doctor thought this was going to be easy. I wound up doing three treatments with this doctor. Clomid, injections, and IUI’s. I had to take breaks in between months because I would develop huge cysts due to the drugs.
Looking back, I realize I was massively depressed. I couldn’t think about anything for 2 1/2 years besides my pain and trying to figure out how to fix it. I hurt extremely deeply. But for the most part, infertility is something we don’t talk about. At least I didn’t feel like I could talk about it. It felt like no one understood me. I felt alone.
During this time, a dear friend of mine was already going to an infertility support group, so I finally decided to go with her. Previous to this experience, I never ever thought I would step foot into a support group. And had it not been for my friend, I probably never would have gone. It proved to be a huge help. It was great to realize that I wasn’t alone. It gave me a group of people who knew exactly what I was going through, knew the terminology of the treatments, the feelings I was feeling, and the highs and lows of the journey. I’m a fan of groups like these now. If you need help, get it! Find a group that you can connect with to help you feel as normal as possible.
After I found out my third treatment didn’t work, I hit my lowest of lows. I had begged God to let me get pregnant before a few of my friends got pregnant with their second kids. This is horrible, I know, but it shows how low I was. One night, one of these friends called to tell me that she was pregnant. The very next night, the other friend called to tell me she was pregnant. This was more than I could take. My husband was gone to a school event, so he wasn’t home. I wound up having to call my parents to come take care of my oldest son because I was absolutely hysterical. My mom talked with me and did everything she could to calm me down, but I was a huge wreck. Huge wreck!
The next day after this, I had another doctor appointment. When I went in, I was told that I had another set of really large cysts, and I was going to have to wait three months to do another treatment. And the doctor thought that the next treatment should be my last. I wound up holding my tears in until I got to the parking lot, and then I lost it. I called into work and told them that I was not coming in that day and went home. I sat on my back porch doing everything I could to calm down until my mom came over to cheer me up.
Along the way through this journey, some friends had told me about an N.D. in Arkansas who had helped some friends of theirs. I always thought that was kind of weird, but when I was out of options, I wrote a short letter to the guy and a few days later he wrote me back to tell me what he thought the problem was. I immediately started taking the herbs that he had suggested, and after three days of taking the herbs (trust me!), I was pregnant. I fully believe the Holy Spirit led my friends to tell me about this doctor, and that the Holy Spirit was at work in this whole situation.
When I found out I was pregnant, a ton of feelings and thoughts raged within me. I was happy, but I still had a lot of emotions I needed to work through. I was still angry and frustrated at how the last 2 1/2 years had gone. And it took a good while to work through all of this.
When I was 9 weeks along, I had my first ultrasound and found out that I was pregnant with twins. Because of all of the ultrasounds I had endured over the last two years, I had gotten really good at telling what was on the screen. So, as soon as the picture came on the screen, I knew there were two babies. I knew before the new ultrasound tech knew. 🙂
The pregnancy was hard. My back hurt like crazy while my body stretched and I became enormous!! I wanted to do everything possible to make sure that the babies were healthy and minimize the chances of them being born too early. So, I ate like crazy. I went to work, but that was it. If I wasn’t at work, I was at home laying on the couch. I quit going to church…really anywhere.
When I found out that we were having a boy and a girl, I was really excited! And on the way back to work after the doctor appointment where we found out, I realized how much of a blessing I had been given by God. I had always wanted two boys. Then after my oldest son was born, I started praying for a girl. On the car ride back to work, I realized God had given me everything that I had asked for. I had to wait years to have another baby, but I felt like God was telling me that he had heard my prayers and blessed me more than I could have possibly imagined years before.
Sadie and Luke were born on February 2nd, 2011 during a crazy, crazy winter storm. Sadie was 4 lbs., 15 oz. and Luke was 5 lbs., 15 oz. They were three weeks early, but they were perfectly healthy and did not have to go to the NICU at all. As I lay on the table waiting on my doctor to stitch me up after my C-section, hearing both babies cry was the most beautiful sound I may ever hear. I lay on the table cracking up at how crazy the last 3 years had been, how crazy it was to have two tiny, tiny healthy babies crying nearby and how crazy things were going to be in our house for a while.
I’m not going to lie, the last three years have been majorly crazy. They have been really hard. But they have been beautiful!
Sadie and Luke are my miracle babies. After I found out I was having twins, I asked my OB and my infertility doctor if the previous month’s fertility meds had anything to do with me having twins. Both doctors said the drugs had nothing to do with it. The drugs were fully out of my system.
God had everything to do with it!
–My Messy Beautiful
This essay and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!
There were two decision reversals in large organizations last week that have been eating at me.
World Vision – Last week, World Vision announced their decision to change “employment policies with regard to LGBT individuals.” Then two days later, because of complaints from the Christian community, they reversed the decision. We can argue all day long about both of these decisions (let’s not!), but the fact that they decided to do something that they obviously seemed to believe in and then pulled the plug on it so quickly really bothered me.
SFA – I went to Stephen F. Austin State University. Last week, I started seeing petitions on Facebook about a new logo for the university. SFA wanted to update their logo to create a fresh look that went along with a lengthy re-branding process for the school. On the same day that I saw these posts, I had a school magazine in the mail that announced the new logo and the reasoning behind it. As someone who works on creating graphics for work, I analyzed the new logo when I saw it and sort of liked it. I at least liked the direction in which it was headed. They had obviously spent a lot of time and money on the whole process, and the school officials seemed really excited about it. But the very next day, I heard that the president of the university had come out saying that because of the complaints, they school would return to the old logo. Again, I was extremely frustrated!
Both of these decisions do not affect my life much. I have a World Vision child, but their initial and reversed decisions did not affect my thoughts on the sponsorship of my child. Our family has committed to the child, and we will honor the commitment to “our child!” The SFA decision really does not affect my life. It’s not going to make a difference to me which logo they decide to go with.
So why did these decisions bother me so much?
I’m tired of seeing leaders make decisions and then back down from them when there is conflict resulting from the decision. People do not like change for the most part, so there will always be unhappy people when a change is made. But I want leaders who are strong enough to make good decisions that they believe in and stick with them! If you believe in something, stand by that decision!
In the midst of all of this, I was reading Brandon Hatmaker’s book Barefoot Church, and I came across a section where he talks about this very thing. And it said exactly what I had been thinking! He says there are “three necessary steps in moving forward”.
1. Be convicted – When you are convicted of a decision that needs to be made or something that needs to be done, pray about it. Then pray some more! You know you’re convicted when you “feel something, know something has to be done, and (are) willing to do something about it”.
2. Be convinced – Do your research! Learn everything you need to learn about the decision. Make sure you know what you are talking about and what you are doing! Make sure that you are convinced this is what you should do!
3. Be confident – If you’re convicted, and you’ve done your research and work, then be confident! It might be hard. People might not like it. But believe in your conviction and work! Yes, you will probably doubt your decision along the way, but stick it out!
We need leaders who are all three of these things: convicted, convinced and confident! Being a leader is hard! I get that! Leaders question themselves constantly! And that is OK! It’s part of the process! But I want and need leaders who are bold enough to make decisions (even hard decisions) and stand by them! And I pray that I will be the kind of leader in my church and in my home that will be open to the convictions of the Holy Spirit, make sure I’m convinced on the directions I need to take and be confident in the decisions!
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What is your experience with situations like these? Do decision reversals frustrate you too? How do you feel about leaders who do not stand behind their decisions? How can we better encourage leaders? To let them know we stand behind their leadership and their decisions?
Stephanie Carroll 