Car Conversations/Loving Our Enemies

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I love the time that I have with my kids in the car (well, most of the time).  More than pretty much any other time we are together, car time is my chance to talk to my kids, impart all my wisdom (ha!) and sing songs.  Car time is awesome!  My kids are totally hostage to mom.  They’re even strapped down!

Lately we’ve talked quite a bit about the fact that if someone is not acting nice, it’s probably because they are hurting in some way.  And if they’re hurting, we need to do everything we can to show them love and friendship to maybe help them feel and act better.  One day last week, I had my oldest son and a friend in the car, and they were talking about a kid they know that isn’t very nice.  I asked them how they could be nice to the child and show him love.  This was a hard question for them to answer.  The friend said that he says hi to the boy, and I said that was good.  Then we talked about more ways that the kids could go out of their way to make this kid feel better.  But it was difficult for the kids to think about these things and even see that they were valid responses to the way they and other kids had been treated.

It struck me in this conversation how hard it is to love our enemies sometimes.  And sometimes we think we are doing a really good job by just not being mean back.  But to truly make a difference in our enemy’s life, we need to be looking for ways to help him, love him, and make things better for him.  To go above and beyond and be intentional.  Instead of avoiding the person and the problem, we might should find ways to be around this person and do nice things for them.

In church yesterday, the sermon was about love.  At one point, our minister said that we have all been enemies of Christ and were apart from him.  But he loved us and was willing to do what it took to bring us back to him and close the gap between us.  God didn’t give up on us, and we shouldn’t give up on our enemies.

 

Dignity. Always, dignity.

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I got a group of 2nd grade moms from my kiddo’s school together last night to go see Singing in the Rain for Retro night at a nearby movie theater.  This is our third year at the school, and I still don’t know all that many people (which I totally blame on the fact that I have twins – my excuse for everything!  For the last two years, my life has pretty much revolved around them.  But they’re older, and I’m a lot more sane now, so I can afford to do a little more in life!)  I have decided that this is the year that I’m going to actually get to know people.  So I set up an event, and it was great!  Except I still need lots of help in the small talk area.  But we can talk about that later!

I’ve never seen the movie Singing in the Rain before, but I remembered after it started that I had seen a live performance of it at some point.  It’s a really great movie, and there are so many great lines in it.

The one that stuck out to me last night was “Dignity.  Always, dignity.”  This part always makes me laugh because Don is on the red carpet trying to act all fancy, but as he’s talking about his past and how he became a star it flashes back to what really happened.  He keeps saying “Dignity.  Always, dignity”, but the reality was that his past was far from dignified.

Up until not so long ago, I felt like I always had to appear dignified.  That’s the way people wanted me to be, right?  And I sort of looked down on people if they were not dignified themselves.

But the more life I live, I find that I am drawn to the people who are not dignified.  The people who aren’t putting on airs to look great to everyone else.  Sometimes the people who are so broken that they have absolutely no airs left to put on.  I yearn for interactions with people who are honest and true to themselves.  I want to talk to the people who are more than willing to share how they are not perfect.  People that are willing to admit that they are a big fat mess.

Because when you’re willing to be real and lay it all out in the open, it’s extremely freeing!  You don’t have to worry about keeping up your image.  Or working yourself sick to prove how great you are.  You just get to be who you really are.  Yes, some people may not like the real you.  But probably, more than likely, the vast majority will!

I’ve found that the closer I am to Christ, I don’t care so much what other people think of me.  And that’s HUGE for a people-pleaser like me!  If Christ thinks I’m OK no matter what, that is pretty special!

So, let’s do all we can to live undignified, true, honest lives!

Questions

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Here are a few questions I am wrestling with in regards to church lately:

– What do we want our guests to tell their friends about their experience at our church the next morning?  We need to write this story and then make it happen!
– What is the greatest need/pain in our community?  How are we meeting this need?
– If church is not a popular place in the community these days, how are we different?  What are we good at?  What do we do better than 10,000 other churches?
I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Kingdom People

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A few years ago, a guy Chris and I know asked us what it would look like if we viewed people as “kingdom people”.  If we really thought of people as “kingdom people”, how would that change things?

At first I pretty much thought the guy was smoking something funny.  For real!  I had no clue what he was talking about.  Some of you may be shaking your heads thinking “This is so obvious, Stephanie!”  But for me it wasn’t.  Some people love getting deep into scripture and talking nuances of the Bible and religion, but that’s not me!  I’m a simple girl.  Yeah, I want to learn more about God, but I’m not that big into the details of everything.  I’m good to just try loving God the best I can most of the time.

So, yeah, I thought the guy’s question was a little too out there for me.

But then it stuck with me.  I couldn’t get past it.  It nagged and nagged and nagged the crud out of me.

I don’t even remember all the initial things I thought about this question, but man, I thought a lot about it.

At some point, I decided to run a little experiment where I wanted to try to see Jesus in every person I came across.  One of the biggest things that I got out of this experiment was that I absolutely loved looking into peoples’ eyes as they were talking to me.  To me, if you look into peoples’ eyes, it screams Jesus!  Well, at least after this experiment.  I’ve never been a big eyes person.  Girls growing up would be all ooshy gooshy (that’s a real thing, right?) about eyes.  It was like the first thing every girl noticed about someone…except me.  I’ve just never been all that into eyes.  So it was weird to me when I started this little experiment and I immediately started connecting with people through their eyes.  And it was even more weird that it seemed like people were really digging it too.  Like it made a difference to them that I was really listening and searching for God in their eyes.  But that wasn’t all.  I’m also not a good small talk person.  If I don’t know you all that well, I’m really not good at talking to you.  Never have been.  I’ve gotten better about it to where it’s not completely awkward anymore, but it’s just not my favorite thing to do.  But if you’ve known me my whole life, well you know, you can’t shut me up!  But anyway, suddenly it was like I was connecting with people like it was nothing!  I seemed to not only connect better but also make the other person feel a little more at ease.  Our church has a helping agency where they give out food and financial assistance.  Hundreds of people come to our church building each week in a big mess.  And when I talked with these people, there was something there that wasn’t there before.  I was seeing Christ in them immediately!  There was even one lady on a Wednesday night that I was in a group with.  We didn’t talk except for introducing ourselves, but then after it was over, she came and motioned for me to come over.  I had no clue what was about to happen, but this lady shared with me the serious struggles that she was currently facing, how she felt about them and asked for prayers.  I still don’t know why she picked me, but I really feel like with me trying to see Christ in her, she connected with me.  And I was blessed beyond belief by that conversation!

Fast forward a few months, and one day I was driving in my car headed to begin my Church Administration certification class.  I was rocking out to Christian music, and the song “Twenty-first Time” came on.  And when it got to the part that goes:

He may be a drifter who’s grown old and gray
But what if it’s Jesus and I walk away
I say I’m the body and drink of the wine
But I pretend not to see him for the twenty-first time

something hit me like a bag of bricks.  This was the answer to that question about “kingdom people” that I had been wrestling with for so long!  At least an answer for me.  Now, see if this makes any sense.  You may think I’m the one smoking something funny.

If we are all made in the image of Christ (we are!), then we could almost say that we all have Christ in us (I’m not talking saved or not).  So really, every single person that we ever run across could be Jesus…in a way is Jesus.  And if I really think this, then I should be treating every single person on this planet as if they were Jesus.

I’m not sure that this is the answer that our friend was wanting, but for me, at this time in my life…this is my answer.

So that brings me to my next question.  If Jesus was standing in front of me, how would I treat him?  How would you treat him?  And if I truly believe that we are all made in his image…that we are all “kingdom people”, how would that really change the way that I see people, interact with people, etc.?  Honestly, I’m still wrestling with this question, so I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Maybe someday when I get this question all figured out in my head, I’ll have another post sharing my conclusion.  But right now, I’m still not sure what that looks like.  But I do know that I want to keep looking for Christ in all people, and I want Christ to use me and all my mess to reach the world, my friends, my neighbors, etc. for him.

So be it!

Don’t worry. Instead pray.

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I worry a lot.  I always have.  I have gotten a little better about it over the years.  I don’t worry about all the small stuff anymore, but when I have bigger things to worry about than normal I almost get lost in my worry.  At times it has consumed me.  It’s a horrible feeling.

On the way to work/daycare yesterday, the kids and I were listening to the Kingdom Rock VBS cd, and the song Pray About Everything came on.  I’ve heard this song a million times, but it really struck me yesterday.  Here are some of the lyrics:

Don’t worry about anything
Instead pray about everything
Tell God what you need
Thank God for all He has done
Don’t worry
Instead Pray
Don’t worry
Instead Pray

What if every time I am worrying I make the decision to start praying?  Would would happen if I really did this?  And it hit me that  this might just be crazy enough to work!  To do the trick for me!

If I really did train myself to start praying any time I start worrying about something, I can see how this could totally change my life and my way of thinking.  If I really get into the habit of doing this, I just might be able to let things go!

I heard a quote a few days ago that was something like When you pray about your worries, it is impossible to not feel better.

So I am not going to try to train myself to pray as soon as I start worrying.  I’m sure this will be something I have to work on for a really long time.  I’m a slow learner when it comes to stuff like this, but I’m going to try to make it happen!

Back to School Talk

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I love Back to School time.  Really, I love all new beginnings.  I love the newness and freshness of all things new!  I secretly celebrate the first day of each month, first days of each season, etc.  It’s a little nuts!

Sunday night, First Day of School Eve, I made homemade lasagna for dinner because it’s always a crowd pleaser.  My family sat down to the table, prayed about school the next day and started chowing down.  We chatted about our kids’ hopes for the school year, if they were scared about anything, etc.  Then I had decided that I was going to do my own version of Glennon Melton’s letter to her son.

I had thought about this a lot in the weeks leading up to this moment, and I could feel the emotion welling up within me.  So I started talking to my big kiddo about to begin second grade about the one thing that I would change about my life – one time that I was really mean to another kid.  This is really the only thing that I would choose to change about my life.  I’ve always felt horrible about it.  I only got a few words into my little speech before I started boohooing.  Somehow I made it through the talk.  My kiddo’s not great about being serious pretty much ever, so he wasn’t sure what to think about mom’s little talk/breakdown but I know he heard me…and hopefully some of it sunk in.

I don’t cry much, so I was a little embarrassed by it all until I realized that my husband was being very serious about it.  None of us in our family are really ever very serious.  Humor is our go-to defense mechanism.  Probably not the best way to handle things, but it is what it is. 🙂  Then I told a good friend about this experience and then a few more, and I was encouraged by their sweet comments.  And that made me feel good about it all.

I want desperately to teach my kids everything I’ve learned about life, joy, pain, God, etc.  I know they will make their own mistakes along the way, but I want to give them as much tools and help as I can.  But when they do make mistakes, I will be there to scoop them up, hold them and let them know that I’ve been there and that it will be OK.

Learning from the curveballs

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I have a dear friend who is like a sister to me.  We’re two peas in a pod.  It’s really kind of creepy how alike we are.  We think and act so much alike.  I love this girl.  I love that we can both be going through lots of crap in our lives, and we can get together and talk about it and laugh like crazy about it all!  Who does that?!  But I am thankful that I have this friend that I can be real with and who shares my enjoyment of laughing through pain.  I believe everyone needs a friend like this.  I hope that everyone has someone like this.  I pray that my kids will find at least one friend like this.  Someone who they know that no matter what they do, that friend is going to be there and love them.  This is that kind of friend for me.  She’s really the best.  I just hope I’m kind of that kind of friend for her.  I think that she’s done way for me and been there for me way more than I’ve probably been there for her.  But anyway, on with the story.

Recently, this friend and I spent a few hours in her car after going to an event together sharing stories, joys, pains, laughter, etc.  In the midst of this talk, I confessed to her that I’ve always struggled with feeling like I was expected to be the best.  At everything!  How unrealistic!  What was I thinking??  You’d think I was smarter than that (or maybe not!), but I really believed it.  I’m not sure where this came from, but I do know I have really always felt like I had to be the best.  And I worked as hard as I could to prove to everyone that I was really great.  This friend has known me since birth and she immediately was like “yep!  I can see that!” and went on to bring up examples from our childhood.  And that was a little embarrassing.  But really freeing to share all this with a friend.  For her to realize this about me but still think that I was OK as a person.  And to call me out on all the times just in that conversation itself where I sort of still said ways that I feel like I have to be the best.  Whew!!  What a good friend!

Over the last five years or so, life has thrown me lots of curveballs.  Lots of big, fat, hairy curveballs!  Life hasn’t been perfect like I expected it to be.  I haven’t been perfect like I thought I should be.  The people in my life have not been perfect like I expected them to be.  I’ve realized that in a lot of ways, I have always had warped expectations of myself and the people I love.

Over the last year, I’ve decided that there are a few ways that I want to try to be the best…that I can be.  Here they are:

I want to do my best to make other people feel important

I want to do my best to respect others…especially my loved ones

I want to do my best to show love to everyone.  The kind of love that Christ shows me everyday.

 

I don’t really care if I’m the best at anything anymore.  Sure, I want to do well.  But really, the main thing I want is for people to want to be around me and be drawn to me because of the way that I make them feel about themselves.  By making them feel important, respected and loved.  Because after all, this is the way Christ treats us.  Even when we’re big screw-ups.   And darn it, shouldn’t I/we be trying to do that too?!

I struggle everyday with how to do all this.  Shoot, I struggle with it over and over all day long.  It’s a journey!  And I’m actually thankful for all of the hard things along the way that have brought me to this point.